The Ring Thing
July 6th 2006 04:33
Everyone knows about commitment phobia. It’s what they make romantic comedies about. And heartbreaks. It’s the general prerogative of those selfish, caddish men.
Commitments between women are trickier things. Who gets to be the selfish cad? Well, never let it be said that I shy from a challenge.
I blame it on LotL. I should never have gotten her started reading that magazine. Every second page advertises ‘commitment service’, “commitment photography’ and ‘exquisitely hand-crafted platinum commitment rings’.
But who buys the rings? Who gets down on one knee and proposes to whom? And isn’t less than three months a little soon to be worrying about these things?
It starts with, ‘Honey… what do you think our wedding would be like?’ Well sweetie, that’s a long and complex question, beginning with the fact that I don’t actually ever want to get married, concluding somewhere with ‘I’ve never actually contemplated marrying you’, and in the processing glossing over various cultural differences, familial expectations, the exorbitant cost and tackiness of most of these things, and the fact that we’re both girls, or womyn, and we’d have to factor in the flights to Canada or Holland and everything.
“Um.. I don’t know. Maybe evening? In a garden? With night-blooming jasmine so we can all be handily close to some sweet sweet poison and pledge eternal love Juliet Juliet style.”
There, that’s a nice segue into my prospective lipstick melodrama. But it never ends there. Next time it will erupt forth predictably enough when we pass a jewellery store window. A really big solitaire. In platinum. Very classy, lots of flash.
I think it’s more likely to grace the fiancé of some merchant banker than the occasional lesbian lover of a struggling arts student. But we all need our dreams.
And isn’t that the point of stressing about commitment? (I hope it is, because I spent long stressful hours trying to figure this out.) We want more than castles in the air for our futures, sugar-floss spun all on our own. That’s one of the guiltier pleasures. Instead we want a solid foundation. We want a licence to dream. We need to know that we’re the only ones doing the dreaming here.
‘Diamonds are forever’. It has such a comforting sound to it. Because relationships usually never are.
Commitments between women are trickier things. Who gets to be the selfish cad? Well, never let it be said that I shy from a challenge.
I blame it on LotL. I should never have gotten her started reading that magazine. Every second page advertises ‘commitment service’, “commitment photography’ and ‘exquisitely hand-crafted platinum commitment rings’.
But who buys the rings? Who gets down on one knee and proposes to whom? And isn’t less than three months a little soon to be worrying about these things?
It starts with, ‘Honey… what do you think our wedding would be like?’ Well sweetie, that’s a long and complex question, beginning with the fact that I don’t actually ever want to get married, concluding somewhere with ‘I’ve never actually contemplated marrying you’, and in the processing glossing over various cultural differences, familial expectations, the exorbitant cost and tackiness of most of these things, and the fact that we’re both girls, or womyn, and we’d have to factor in the flights to Canada or Holland and everything.
“Um.. I don’t know. Maybe evening? In a garden? With night-blooming jasmine so we can all be handily close to some sweet sweet poison and pledge eternal love Juliet Juliet style.”
There, that’s a nice segue into my prospective lipstick melodrama. But it never ends there. Next time it will erupt forth predictably enough when we pass a jewellery store window. A really big solitaire. In platinum. Very classy, lots of flash.
I think it’s more likely to grace the fiancé of some merchant banker than the occasional lesbian lover of a struggling arts student. But we all need our dreams.
And isn’t that the point of stressing about commitment? (I hope it is, because I spent long stressful hours trying to figure this out.) We want more than castles in the air for our futures, sugar-floss spun all on our own. That’s one of the guiltier pleasures. Instead we want a solid foundation. We want a licence to dream. We need to know that we’re the only ones doing the dreaming here.
‘Diamonds are forever’. It has such a comforting sound to it. Because relationships usually never are.
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