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Freud.ianslip.com - INSIDE The Feminine Subconscious

 
The DAILY DRAMA and UNVEILINGS of the female subsconscious.

Playing the Ex Game

September 20th 2006 02:53
Breaking up was sort of inevitable. No matter how firmly attached or how deeply you care about someone, it’s a huge leap to fall and to say –in- love with them.

So I knew, and Taffy knew, that we probably weren’t going to grow old and be crazy cat lady-lesbians together.
And I knew that Taffy knew because when she was uneasy she would resort to joking blackmail- ‘If you break up with me, I’m not going to give you your birthday present in September!’
‘I know you won’t break up with me before then because you want it.’

‘It’ was very pretty and I did want it, but usually it seems smart to pick emotional sanity before presents.


Taffy didn’t just try and forestall the breakup, she thought deeply about the subject and predicted a range of outcomes. The one that sprung most frequently to her mind was a competition over Mr X.

That’s right.. he may have been temporarily banished from our beds, but he wasn’t gone from our thoughts. And breakups, well, they tend to be messy and ugly and painful, and lead to unhealthy acts of desperation. Like seducing your ex’s best friend. Or, in our happy polyamorous case, running off with the third partner.

According to Taffy, there was going to be a down and dirty competition to see who could get her hands/other appendages on Mr X first.

And here we were, broken up. The tragedy had come to pass, it was time for the games to begin.

And the question before me was… did I want to play?
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Post-Breakup Interlude

September 16th 2006 07:59
The next day.

I went to uni, and Taffy walked me across campus, causing a mild sensation in her purple fishnets and knee-high hooker boots. And we hugged and everything. It was totally amicable, until darkness fell and crept into our souls once again.

It’s like that a lot. In the bright sunshine, you can cope with a broken heart. There are people and a whole world of bustling activity to serve as a distraction. But that night it was just the two of us and the single bed again. And someone had the brilliant idea of inviting Mr. X. For dinner, and maybe... more? In the gospel according to Taffy, nothing cures a broken heart like rebound sex with your ex's ex.


I really should have learnt to put a stop to those brilliant ideas. We all should have learnt a less from the last night we spent together. Because desperately tearful Taffy, a coldly loveless Lia and a morbid Mr. X are never a good combination.

Even that time when we were.
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Taffy in Drag Pt. 1

July 26th 2006 13:14
Sometimes, when things get really bad, it helps to dress up as a drag queen.

While tensions were slowly spiderwebbing cracks through our otherwise cheerful and amorous relationship, Taffy and I decided to let off steam with another night on the town, visiting all our favourite haunts in that fishbowl of delights, Oxford St.
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The Ring Thing

July 6th 2006 04:33
Everyone knows about commitment phobia. It’s what they make romantic comedies about. And heartbreaks. It’s the general prerogative of those selfish, caddish men.

Commitments between women are trickier things. Who gets to be the selfish cad? Well, never let it be said that I shy from a challenge.

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Invitations

June 21st 2006 10:34
Invitations are a tricky thing. They get tangled and snarled very quickly. If you’re not struggling over whom to invite, it’s not always easier to be invited.

Life is just that much trickier in a polyamorous relationship. Say you’re doing research on hedonistic pleasures… you might try a long bubble bath with Mr. X, always complicated by the fact that he’s so long… of leg, not to imply anything. And that’s fine and dandy with the foam and the candles. But then you have to make it up to Taffy with a long morning spent moisturising every inch.. because moisture is the essence of wetness, and wetness is the essence of beauty.. are you following me? Anyway, it’s a hardship.

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In Taffy's Closet

June 7th 2006 13:08
Secrecy can be a fun thing. It’s like, say, letting your partner blindfold you. Familiar sensations can seem new and exciting, there’s an element of surprise, and hey, vulnerability and all the danger it entails adds a bit of spice to lots of people’s sex lives. But then, there are moments when you just want to look into your lover’s eyes in the clear light of day and not feel like you’re stuck creeping the shadows.

Being Taffy’s secret lover was fun for a little while. It’s like a naughty sleepover, when you stay up til midnight and steal condensed milk out of the fridge and it all tastes so much better because it’s late and forbidden and everything is scary and hilarious all at once. Like watching Taffy squirm and trying to keep quiet, which she’s so bad at by the way.

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Meet The Von Bosoms

June 6th 2006 14:29

Meeting your partner’s parents is one of the scariest things you’ll ever have to face. And sometimes there are circumstances to make it that much worse. The first time I got to meet Mr. X’s mum was stumbling out of his bedroom in the morning. It’s not the way it sounds at all, but it was the way it looked that worried me! But I loved his parents, and we all got along great, and now I was torn from that comfort zone and about to meet a whole new set of parental units.

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Meet the Parents

June 5th 2006 07:25
Insert Title Here
Mum
The next big excitement was introducing Taffy to my Mum. It was something I’d been dreading since I’d actually worked up the courage to tell my Mum I had a girlfriend.

Lots of people have a coming out story. It’s supposed to be a big momentous moment of passage in your life, when you finally declare your individual identity, daring the scorn and rejection of a cruel world. Well, I wasn’t that dramatic.

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Poly in the Middle

June 2nd 2006 05:28
The happiest part of any polyamorous relationship is the middle. This is true on a whole ton of different levels. For example, quite literally, the middle of a love-sandwich is a pretty happy place to be. And while the start may be full of doubt and uncertainty- “Can I really love two people at once? Do they like me? Will they be willing to share? Will they hate each other? Will they run off together and leave me?”, and the end… well, it’s probably full of bitterness and hate and angst and jealousy. Like most ends.

But the middle is where you usually find a delicious creamy filling, often associated with donuts and cakes and other sweet things. The middle is balance.

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On The Horns of a Dilemma

June 1st 2006 06:18
Our newfound resolution didn’t last nearly as long as we thought it would. Somehow, that wily Mr. X just kept wriggling his way into both our lives. For one thing, he’s my bestest of best friends and not likely to disappear anyway. And he seemed to have made quite an impression on Taffy too, since if her conversation was any kind he was never far from her thoughts.

She vacillated between antagonism and somewhat wistful reminiscences on his sexual prowess. In fact, the way she kept talking about him might have made me jealous, only.. well, I don’t get jealous that easily, and I was responsible for them sleeping together anyway. Yes, he declared it the supreme sexual experience of his life, and she kept musing and thinking about it and telling me that he was her idea of the perfect guy (only of course she didn’t want a guy) and- yes, right, no way were we ever going to do it again.

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Vita Nuova

May 31st 2006 12:37
I have hyperactive insane penguins dancing in my head. Yeah, “I don’t believe in, frettin and grievin.” So annoying but kind of true. The doom, gloom and depression of all this angst was starting to weigh me down, and I don’t want the simple life- I’m a proclaimed hedonist after all, give me the pleasurable life any day. Please.

So though some tension and conflict can be fun in a relationship, adding a little drama and a touch of spice, too much is too much. We needed to take it easy. In fact we had our long and boring talk, sorted it all out on the train and went out for hot chocolate. Our lives henceforth were going to be as sweet, frothy and creamy as that nectar itself.

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Just A Little Bit Of Sympathy

May 29th 2006 05:24
Relationships are hard, no one’s ever going to deny that. Sure there’s love and excitement and sex and adventure, but as my intrepid commenters so wisely pointed out, there’s also ego and jealousy and pettiness and wounded feelings. So how do any of us ever manage to survive them?

I’m going to steal a term from Coleridge- the sympathetic imagination. He uses it to refer to what we usually call the suspension of disbelief, but I think it also neatly sums up the quality we all need to relate to other people.

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The Tantrum

May 26th 2006 07:41
“Could you NOT,” she shrieked angrily and made a swipe at Mr. X’s arm before turning over and bursting into tears.

Mr. X and I glanced at each other in shock and astonishment, before I put my arm around her shoulders and tried to console her. “It’s ok.. shhh, nothing’s happened.” I’m sure I was as nice as possible, but deep inside I was just a little bit annoyed. Why on earth couldn’t we just have a nice evening and go to sleep together? Why did she constantly have to lash out at Mr. X and make cutting remarks about how much she’d like to hurt him? And worst of all, why was it that he wasn’t allowed to lay a finger on me, when after all, she’d slept with him?

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The Last Straw

May 24th 2006 12:49
We were soaking wet by the time we got inside, so Mr. X had to once again offer us his shirts, clean and dry this time. Taffy grumbled about it, but our outfits were really completely drenched so she didn’t have much choice. And she and I got into bed, while Mr. X showered and followed around 10 minutes later. I think she was feeling quite amorous, but I was sleepy so we were just snuggling. She wasn’t happy again, but she stayed quiet.

And then Mr. X came to bed. Naked.

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