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Freud.ianslip.com - INSIDE The Feminine Subconscious

 
The DAILY DRAMA and UNVEILINGS of the female subsconscious.
So it was a dark, cold rainy, claustrophobic night.

I came home exhausted. She was going back out into said unpleasantness to survey prospective houses. Naturally I was obliged to accompany her, no matter how much I wanted to just fall into bed. Maybe with coffee, if I could manage to fall without spilling anything.

But love, compromise.

We quarrelled first over my pedantic need to check times and directions. We quarrelled again when we actually did get lost in a dark alley somewhere in Enmore and the rain set in in earnest. Huh. I guess stopping to ask for directions would have been useful then! Yes, I too can be petty.


The houses were pretty dreadful. We both pasted on brilliant smiles and I traipsed around after her fuming, both in an angry sense and an unpleasant steam rising of damp clothing sense.

And then we came home. To fight. I didn’t really see the point in drying off when everything was about to be saturated in tears anyway. I escaped into the shower, and came back to an empty room and a note reading that she had gone for a walk to clear her head- not to worry. Even in the gloomy dark.

And I didn’t.
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Intimacy Looms

August 14th 2006 13:18
Three days, two nights. Taffy was coming to visit.

It wasn’t just that it was a long time to be spending together at a stretch. She was here for a purpose. To find a non-Newcastle place to live, a place much much closer, from whence she could just pop in any moment of the day or night.

I should have been happy at this development, but I’ll admit to being quite freaked. This was a person uprooting their entire life, to be close to me. At a time when I was getting cold feet.

Intimacy.

It’s fun in small, controlled doses. In bed, in public, behind the couch. But I like the control and I like my space.


And things seemed to be falling apart really rapidly.
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And Don't Cry For Me

August 8th 2006 13:37
The tears began as a trickle and ended as a flood until everything was sodden with them, and tidemarks of crystallised salt were left in rings all over my pillows.

The discomfort of the whole situation was almost funny, in a surreal sharp-edged way, but it was also becoming a serious problem. A helpful person recently defined heartbreak for me.

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Don't Cry Over Spilt Milk

August 7th 2006 13:40
I slept over with Mr. X. And I didn’t tell Taffy. Not that there was sex, necessarily. But there was shared intimacy, and I didn’t want to tell her. Because if I did, we would fight. And if we fought, she would cry. Either way I would end up feeling incredibly guilty.

Are tears emotional expression or emotional blackmail?

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The Night Was For Hunting

August 1st 2006 13:56
There’s something about being out at night, alone, vulnerable and not in a car that’s just inexpressibly different. But I’ll try to express it.

A car is very much like a bubble. It is a shield, and you can tint the windows, and you can hide, and you can drive away really fast and unless you stop at traffic lights with your door unlocked or drive out into the woods and pick up backpackers, you’re probably going to be ok. Well, no, driving is very dangerous. But it’s a totally different danger to walking down the street.

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The Blind Leading the Blind

May 22nd 2006 13:24
So what happened next…

Three blind mice we trotted off together. Our first mission was catching a bus, which actually wasn’t as easy as one might imagine- the incredible evilness of 3 am bussing struck once again. But after a deal of toil and trouble and futile waiting we squeezed ourselves on board and I promptly became bus-sick. I know, romantic!

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Life's a Show

May 12th 2006 04:41
All the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players: they have their exits and their entrances; and one man in his time plays many parts.. (Shakespeare)

Insert Title Here
One line, with no particularly deep or startling metaphysical resonance and yet I’ve never been able to get it out of my head. To me, identity is a fluid thing. We take on different characters with different moods, different places, different people. And sometimes, with the different clothes we wear.

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The Tension Rises

May 10th 2006 05:11
Insert Title Here
That week passed somewhat uncomfortably. Taffy, while clearly still attracted to Mr. X and remarking frequently on his prodigious sexual prowess, tempered this with a surprising number of wishes for his sudden and painful death. It seemed she had discussed the matter with a friend, and after some thought they decided that the simplest solution was to push him under a bus.

Insert Title Here
I was somewhat alarmed to hear all this. She also warned me that if I should ever leave her for him, my house would be burned down and she would probably kill us both in our sleep.

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The Morning After

May 9th 2006 13:07
Insert Title Here
Soo Sleepy
The next morning Mr. X left for work at an obscenely early hour, leaving Taffy and I to claim the bed for ourselves. We luxuriated in the space and the warmth and the sheer comforting cottony-satiness of it all for most of the morning.

Actually, there was black satin everywhere! It took simply ages to sort through it all and find Taffy’s black satin negligee amid all the sheets and undergarments.

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Perspective is Everything

April 24th 2006 11:51
… So we flushed with absolute guilt, snatched up the Koran that handily happened to be lying on the coffee table, and pretended to be holding a prayer group. Seriously. And no, we didn’t pull it off, we just looked really really suspicious…


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And by midnight..

March 29th 2006 13:14
Ok, I'll admit it, I have performance anxiety. So far I've only dabbled my toes, because if I write anything substantial someone very observant might actually see into something resembling my soul.. scary thought! No don't ask me how toe-dabbling averts soul-searching - it's a mixed-up metaphor.

But I do want to write something (I just typed 'don't' egads! freudian slipping already). Yes, anyway, -something- and for that you need to know who Mr.X is. Isn't it clever? *cough* He just loves that pseudonym, what with the need for anonymity and the Simpsons and the fact that he actually is my ex.. only he's still 'around' and stumbling into my adventures. But when we take a break from adventures he's a good person to drag to cafes with me, which I can then tell you all about.

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The whys and wherefores

March 29th 2006 12:20
Let's start at the very beginning... a very good place to start.

People may wonder (perfectly legitimately) what on earth I shall be writing about here.. tricky question! Is it cheating to put 'Life, The Universe, and Everything'? No? I need to qualify?

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Testing.. one.. two.. three?

March 29th 2006 07:40
Dearest Readerly People.

Just checking that everything works merrily!
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