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Freud.ianslip.com - INSIDE The Feminine Subconscious

 
The DAILY DRAMA and UNVEILINGS of the female subsconscious.

Freud.ianslip.com - May 2006

Vita Nuova

May 31st 2006 12:37
I have hyperactive insane penguins dancing in my head. Yeah, “I don’t believe in, frettin and grievin.” So annoying but kind of true. The doom, gloom and depression of all this angst was starting to weigh me down, and I don’t want the simple life- I’m a proclaimed hedonist after all, give me the pleasurable life any day. Please.

So though some tension and conflict can be fun in a relationship, adding a little drama and a touch of spice, too much is too much. We needed to take it easy. In fact we had our long and boring talk, sorted it all out on the train and went out for hot chocolate. Our lives henceforth were going to be as sweet, frothy and creamy as that nectar itself.


There was only one little catch in our rediscovered perfection- no more Mr. X. At least, not in mixed company. If Taffy needed the security of a monogamous relationship, she should have it. But it was really such an illusion. I didn’t mind going along with our plan of no more group sleepovers with Mr. X. Well, at least not for a little while.

It’s not like I terribly minded having him all to myself.

So maybe you can have your cake, and that other piece too. You just need to believe in separate plates.
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Just A Little Bit Of Sympathy

May 29th 2006 05:24
Relationships are hard, no one’s ever going to deny that. Sure there’s love and excitement and sex and adventure, but as my intrepid commenters so wisely pointed out, there’s also ego and jealousy and pettiness and wounded feelings. So how do any of us ever manage to survive them?

I’m going to steal a term from Coleridge- the sympathetic imagination. He uses it to refer to what we usually call the suspension of disbelief, but I think it also neatly sums up the quality we all need to relate to other people.

And so I did try to imagine myself in Taffy’s shoes. Was she scared, uncomfortable, angry, overwrought? A relationship between two people is trouble enough, the problems only multiply when you start adding another person into the equation. And what made it much harder for her is that Mr. X and I already had a strong connection, and we’d been together for years. It was easier to ignore when she was the centre of attention and we were using our experience and mutual understanding to please her- but without that giddy rush my relationship with him was a threat to my relationship with her. She was suddenly the outsider. She didn’t share our history, she didn’t understand half our jokes, and even though she was officially my girlfriend her position was much less secure because she hadn’t known me nearly as long.


And so all she could do was lash out and vent her frustrated feelings in the easiest way possible- anger and tears. And me? I tried to be understanding but I was frustrated, angry and uncomfortable too. A fun combination for a fun fun morning. So who wouldn't sigh? And were we ever going to work our way out of this mess, and return to the excitement and passion of those halcyon early days? Please, just a little bit of sympathy.
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The Tantrum

May 26th 2006 07:41
“Could you NOT,” she shrieked angrily and made a swipe at Mr. X’s arm before turning over and bursting into tears.

Mr. X and I glanced at each other in shock and astonishment, before I put my arm around her shoulders and tried to console her. “It’s ok.. shhh, nothing’s happened.” I’m sure I was as nice as possible, but deep inside I was just a little bit annoyed. Why on earth couldn’t we just have a nice evening and go to sleep together? Why did she constantly have to lash out at Mr. X and make cutting remarks about how much she’d like to hurt him? And worst of all, why was it that he wasn’t allowed to lay a finger on me, when after all, she’d slept with him?
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The Last Straw

May 24th 2006 12:49
We were soaking wet by the time we got inside, so Mr. X had to once again offer us his shirts, clean and dry this time. Taffy grumbled about it, but our outfits were really completely drenched so she didn’t have much choice. And she and I got into bed, while Mr. X showered and followed around 10 minutes later. I think she was feeling quite amorous, but I was sleepy so we were just snuggling. She wasn’t happy again, but she stayed quiet.

And then Mr. X came to bed. Naked.
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Dancing in the Rain

May 23rd 2006 12:28
So it seems that Taffy’s a wildcat in the sack, and she was actually furious because Mr. X had invited her to sit on his lap.

But we spilled out of the bus together, drawn together in amity by the dark and the cold and the sudden incessant rain that soaked through our flimsy schoolgirl outfits and made them cling in unanticipated ways.
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The Blind Leading the Blind

May 22nd 2006 13:24
So what happened next…

Three blind mice we trotted off together. Our first mission was catching a bus, which actually wasn’t as easy as one might imagine- the incredible evilness of 3 am bussing struck once again. But after a deal of toil and trouble and futile waiting we squeezed ourselves on board and I promptly became bus-sick. I know, romantic!
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Beware Brilliant Ideas

May 19th 2006 09:57
So there we stood on the dark and seedy street, making polite small talk and wondering why everything seemed so awkward. Perhaps because we’d missed the morning-after last weekend, when Mr. X had to dash off at an insanely early hour and we were all too sleepy to feel the full weirdness of the situation. But it had come back with a vengeance. Mr. X and I chatted about his evening and the relative merits of drag queen shows while Taffy maintained an obstinate silence. Was she seething with rage? Or just cold?

We were all cold and tired, so the conversation naturally limped itself to the subject of going home. The various taxi-men lounging around and looking generally suspicious immediately perked up and started offering suggestive glances. Oh yes, fabulous. But busses wouldn’t be coming again for an awfully long time, unless…
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A Search for Secluded Corners

May 17th 2006 23:02
I said yes, but I didn’t want to mention it to Taffy until Mr. X was there and I could spring him on her as an unexpected surprise. We were currently very busy anyway, slipping around the darkened edges of Arq and arguing with some rather sweet gay guys over who had first claim to the conveniently darkened corner.

We eventually relinquished it to them, in return for directions to the girls bathroom. The girls bathroom is an interesting place, often filled with drag queens and male visitors, but its still that rare phenomenon- a girls with a shorter queue than the gents.
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Dancing the Night Away

May 16th 2006 13:14
Insert Title Here
Hey honey… we’re just dancing. Dancing the night away.

Immortal words from Kal Ho Naa Ho, insidiously working its way into my subconscious as one of my favourite Bollywood movies of all time.
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Out in the World

May 15th 2006 12:54
Insert Title Here
So suitably dressed and feeling just a little risqué we skipped hand in hand out into a dark and scary world. It was time to run the gauntlet again.

By now I was a little more prepared. Two girls together raise a few eyebrows. Two girls dressed up together at night won’t escape catcalls and solicitations. As nice as it would be to walk unmolested down the street, we have to accept that when you dress provocatively you’re going to receive attention, even if some of that will be unwelcome.
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Life's a Show

May 12th 2006 04:41
All the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players: they have their exits and their entrances; and one man in his time plays many parts.. (Shakespeare)

Insert Title Here
One line, with no particularly deep or startling metaphysical resonance and yet I’ve never been able to get it out of my head. To me, identity is a fluid thing. We take on different characters with different moods, different places, different people. And sometimes, with the different clothes we wear.
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That Kilt Thing

May 11th 2006 13:03
Insert Title Here
When Taffy came down on the weekend, we once again decided to forget our troubles and try our luck on Oxford St. To us, that means dress up time- and we decided to have some fun with it. One word- schoolgirls.

In all fairness to us, we are not creepy old men. But we did spend some of our formative years in Catholic schools and you don’t escape from there without a few fetishes.
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The Tension Rises

May 10th 2006 05:11
Insert Title Here
That week passed somewhat uncomfortably. Taffy, while clearly still attracted to Mr. X and remarking frequently on his prodigious sexual prowess, tempered this with a surprising number of wishes for his sudden and painful death. It seemed she had discussed the matter with a friend, and after some thought they decided that the simplest solution was to push him under a bus.

Insert Title Here
I was somewhat alarmed to hear all this. She also warned me that if I should ever leave her for him, my house would be burned down and she would probably kill us both in our sleep.
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The Morning After

May 9th 2006 13:07
Insert Title Here
Soo Sleepy
The next morning Mr. X left for work at an obscenely early hour, leaving Taffy and I to claim the bed for ourselves. We luxuriated in the space and the warmth and the sheer comforting cottony-satiness of it all for most of the morning.

Actually, there was black satin everywhere! It took simply ages to sort through it all and find Taffy’s black satin negligee amid all the sheets and undergarments.
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Pieces Of Cake

May 8th 2006 14:41
Love is a beautiful thing. And I see no reason why the act of making love shouldn’t be similarly beautiful. Sex tends to be all about passion, frequently blind passion, so I hadn’t previously taken the time to consider an aesthetic dimension at all.. but Taffy and Mr. X were so beautiful together, and when we all curled up to sleep afterward I felt incredibly warm and happy and loved snuggled between two of my favourite people in the world.

Insert Title Here
And in my happy naiveté I thought this state of perpetual bliss could continue indefinitely. But cracks were already showing. There was a moment when Mr. X and I leaned across her and kissed that Taffy seriously contemplated physical violence. Jealousy, possessiveness and insecurity were slithering like serpents into my paradise.
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Triple Decadence

May 5th 2006 05:52
Everything had come together beautifully.
Insert Title Here
.
And I do know a good thing when it’s spread out before me like a sumptuous feast

As I stepped into the room and beheld Taffy and Mr. X in a passionate embrace, I was struck by my good fortune in acquiring a perfectly matched pair. I knew of course, that they were the two people I found most sexually appealing in the world, and I considered them paragons of their respective genders.
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The Green-Eyed Monster

May 4th 2006 14:28
A few days ago, someone asked me about jealousy- is it hard to avoid when there's three in the bed?

Sexual jealousy isn't something I really experience. If the people I care about are happy, I'm happy too. This, however, makes me an exception to the rule- either angelic or psychotic.
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The Complex Knot of Love

May 3rd 2006 09:52
I have to admit, my initial expectations may have been a teeny bit excessive. It all just seemed so simple! I liked her, she liked me, I liked him, he liked me, and I was going to get to be the scrumptious filling in a yummy Taffy/Mr.X sandwich. Me, being laved and loved and lavished attention upon.

But for most of us, sex can never be completely detached from emotion- not should it be. And it struck home while we stood there in nervous silence.
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Menage A Trois - It's French For Fun!

May 1st 2006 10:38
Insert Title Here
Just Think Pink..
To be fair, we hadn’t entirely lured her. It was a costume party, and the walking lickable candy-cane in her stripy pink and white stockings ended up in our bed of her own accord. Maybe she just wanted to get a good night’s sleep, and thought the couch was too uncomfortable? Or perhaps she was escaping the cretans and drunk boys to a seemingly safe sanctuary.
I don’t think she was counting on the wicked seductive powers of Mr. X. But he and I work very very well together, and who doesn’t just love being the centre of all that lascivious attention? I’ll phrase it like this- if she was candy, we had a sweet tooth that night. And after a little persuasion she really didn’t seem to mind being devoured.

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